Archive for July, 2007

27
Jul
07

Album Review: The Apostasy

Few bands in the Extreme Metal milieu seem as image conscious as Poland’s Behemoth. From the promo pictures on the band’s myspace profile to their masterfully crafted homepage, Behemoth have developed a visual style that acknowledges their roots in Black Metal yet at the same time creates a theme unique to the band itself. This style is quite befitting of what is easily becoming one of the most popular Death Metal bands in the world. Behemoth’s visual flair was in it’s infancy when the band began the transition from straightforward Black to a synthesis of Black and Death Metal. The Behemoth style has developed by leaps and bounds over the course of the band’s history, simultaneous with the band’s conversion to a musical ethos that is easily more Death than Black. And, to be perfectly honest, one would be hard pressed to find a band anywhere in the world that looks as damned awesome as does Behemoth.

Behemoth

But what of the music? Behemoth has gotten progressively better with each album they release. Does The Apostasy, being the most recent endeavor of Nergal and company, continue this trend? The answer, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is an emphatic yes.

From a production standpoint, the album is razor-sharp. Every note, every strike of the drums and every bestial growl rings crystal clear (though the growling vocals, in true Metal fashion, require a glance at the liner notes before they can be comprehended). The musicianship is just as sharp, if not moreso. Each song is full of great riffs, and the drumming is some of the best the listener is likely to hear in all of Death Metal. Furthermore, the trifecta that is Behemoth have incorporated a vast array of sounds into their latest effort, from choral vocals to brass instruments to elements of jazz piano. From start to finish The Apostasy is a wall of crushing sound that manages never to feel too repetitive or boring.

With their latest opus, Behemoth have crafted a modern Death Metal masterpiece. The Apostasy is not to be missed by any aficionado of Black or Death Metal.I have only one complaint, and that is that Behemoth isn’t playing Seattle any time soon. Not even on this year’s installment of the seminal Ozzfest tour! Drat.

26
Jul
07

A message to pet owners everywhere

I know it may seen like a good idea at the time, but please, for the sake of all that is good and pure, do not dress up your pets in human-style clothing. It is not cute, and your pets do not enjoy it. It is an aberration of the laws of nature. If animals were meant to wear clothing, they would have evolved a way to make it for themselves (or, as the case may be, a way for poverty-stricken animals in third-world countries to make it for them in sweatshops.)

Additional clothing horrors can be found here.

22
Jul
07

Required Reading: Steal this Book

Steal this Book is Abbie Hoffman‘s guide to surviving outside the accepted norms of society (alternatively, one could think of it as a handbook for dirty hippies, if one were of a more conservative political persuasion.) It has information on how to feed, clothe and shelter yourself without buying into the everyday rat race. Of course, some of the actions which the book recommends is of questionable legality; one section of the book deals with growing your own marijuana, while another section explains how to shoplift effectively. In keeping with the anti-authority spirit of the book, the entirety of the text can be read online in various places. This is just one of them.

16
Jul
07

Don’t tell Varg Vikernes…

I never knew this until now (and I’m betting that some of my readership didn’t, either), but apparently there is a traditional Norse stave church in Rapid City, South Dakota. It’s appropriate that such a structure should stand in the upper Midwest, given the influx of Norwegian immigrants into the region during the 19th century. It is quite a spiffy piece of architecture, to boot.

The church goes by the name of Chapel in the Hills.

15
Jul
07

Super Mario Bros.: Frustration

This is a series of videos featuring one man’s attempt to play an extremely difficult hacked version of Super Mario Bros. To be perfectly honest, it’s been a very, very long time since I laughed this hard at an internet video. This gentleman sounds quite a bit like me when I’m sucking horribly at a game. As an aside, the voice-over sounds eerily like Christopher Walken…

09
Jul
07

More than I ever wanted to know about elf sex

I had hoped that the notion of elves engaged in the physical act of love was something limited to the odious fantasies of the most fanatical Tolkein nerds. I should be so lucky. Not merely fodder for aficionados of erotic fan fiction, elf sex is the topic of an essay which I had the luck of stumbling across on my most recent late-night sojourn through the internet (and I wasn’t even looking for elf porn, let me assure you!). If you’re feeling adventurous, or if (God help you) you simply get off on this sort of thing, you can find out precisely what Tolkein officially says about elf sex. And if you think I’m even going to bother trying to find a relevant image to go with this post, you’re terribly mistaken.

05
Jul
07

Pure Fucking Mayhem: A New Documentary

Pure Fucking Mayhem is the title of a new documentary by Stefan Rydehed that chronicles the somewhat sordid history of the legendary Norwegian Black Metal band Mayhem. Recently Manheim, the original drummer for Mayhem, posted on his blog a few clips from the documentary which detail the earliest days of Mayhem. As any Black Metal connoisseur worth his salt should, I have a serious fascination with the early days of the scene–especially after having read Lords of Chaos–and the clips were a real treat to watch. I’ve taken the liberty of posting the clips below. Together, they ecompass the first fifteen minutes of the documentary. Watch and learn.

Part the first:

Part the second: